Sunday, July 17, 2011

Im getting tired and i need somewhere to begin.

Today i decided to accept the fact that i cant fix everything.
Its been on my mind a lot lately, how i over analyze everything in order to create structure in my mind. The  way my mind works everything has a problem, a reason, a consequence, and a defined solution. I come upon a problem, find the reason for the problem, accept the consequence of the reason, and form a defined solution that in my perspective should be bullet proof. So why does it never work out the way i have planned?
I understand that i can never know all the variables that go into a problem but is that my fault? An expression we use is "Im only human." This gives us an excuse not to reach our full potential. I don't rely on excuses to fix what i cant do. We can always make excuses not to do something or to only do the minimum of that task but the minimum isn't helping us. If anything it is holding us back from all that we can achieve. So I am here not making excuses but searching for justifications of my short comings.
I get very frustrated when i cant fix something. Especially when its a problem i know the solution to. For example, when my internet disconnected a couple nights ago and after i ran all the diagnostics and narrowed the problem down to the router i thought i had figured the entire problem out. I had put hard work into finding this solution and all it took was the last step. I could feel my mind go to ease when i finally realized it was a fixable problem, but after i finished that step and restarted my computer, in order to accept the changes made, the problem still remained. What now right? I've done everything right. I had a problem, located the reason for the problem, accepted the consequence of why the internet was not working, and narrowed all the possible solutions for the problem into one defined solution, but i still had no internet. I had no excuse for what was wrong. I had to admit defeat.
Thats a pretty petty example but it can apply to any problem you may have. In my mind the fact that i had to admit defeat and just let the problem settle itself was intolerable. I can fix it, why not right. Why waste time with a problem that can be resolved. What i have come to realize is that all can do for the problems that i cannot fix is wait until it needs me, if it needs me, and then do whatever i can to help. My internet fixed itself randomly and is steady, for now, but maybe next time i will be more tolerant to being patient.
On a different note, things have have been strangely good. Have you ever had the feeling like everything is too good to be true. Like good things don't normally happen this easily? I may just be in the "eye of the storm" but for now everything is calm. The problems i do have i have had a sense of optimism toward. I have a loving family that cares for me. A beautiful niece that can now say my name clearly. A bloody brilliant girlfriend with a love of Harry Potter, one of MANY reasons why i fell for her. Friends who always have my back, and a Father in Heaven who is always looking after me. All of whom give me advice and guidance as i try to make the best of my time here. Thanks guys.
I know the pictures have nothing to do with the topic of the post but i think all these pictures have people i care a lot about in them so i wanted to share them with everyone.

1 comment:

  1. I like the first picture the best. Sexy drums behind you. You should have talked about how awesome that day was. Speaking of, how is the editing coming along?